Act 3 Scene 2

Enter Hamlet and three of the Players.

HAMLET
Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced
it to you, trippingly on the tongue; but if you mouth
it, as many of our players do, I had as lief the
town-crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air
too much with your hand, thus, but use all gently;
for in the very torrent, tempest, and, as I may say,
whirlwind of your passion, you must acquire and
beget a temperance that may give it smoothness. O,
it offends me to the soul to hear a robustious,
periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to tatters, to very
rags, to split the ears of the groundlings, who for the
most part are capable of nothing but inexplicable
dumb shows and noise. I would have such a fellow
whipped for o'erdoing Termagant. It out-Herods
Herod. Pray you, avoid it.

PLAYER
I warrant your Honor.

HAMLET
Be not too tame neither, but let your own
discretion be your tutor. Suit the action to the
word, the word to the action, with this special
observance, that you o'erstep not the modesty of
nature. For anything so o'erdone is from the purpose
of playing, whose end, both at the first and
now, was and is to hold, as 'twere, the mirror up to
nature, to show virtue her own feature, scorn her
own image, and the very age and body of the time
his form and pressure. Now this overdone or come
tardy off, though it makes the unskillful laugh,
cannot but make the judicious grieve, the censure
of the which one must in your allowance o'erweigh
a whole theater of others. O, there be players that I
have seen play and heard others praise (and that
highly), not to speak it profanely, that, neither
having th' accent of Christians nor the gait of
Christian, pagan, nor man, have so strutted and
bellowed that I have thought some of nature's
journeymen had made men, and not made them
well, they imitated humanity so abominably.

PLAYER
I hope we have reformed that indifferently
with us, sir.

HAMLET
O, reform it altogether. And let those that play
your clowns speak no more than is set down for
them, for there be of them that will themselves
laugh, to set on some quantity of barren spectators
to laugh too, though in the meantime some necessary
question of the play be then to be considered.
That's villainous and shows a most pitiful ambition
in the fool that uses it. Go make you ready.

Players exit.

Enter Polonius, Guildenstern, and Rosencrantz.

How now, my lord, will the King hear this piece of
work?

POLONIUS
And the Queen too, and that presently.

HAMLET
Bid the players make haste. Will you two help to hasten them?

ROSENCRANTZ
Ay, my lord.

HAMLET
What ho, Horatio!

HORATIO
Here, sweet lord, at your service.

HAMLET
Horatio, thou art e'en as just a man
As e'er my conversation coped withal.

HORATIO
O, my dear lord--

HAMLET
Nay, do not think I flatter,
For what advancement may I hope from thee
That no revenue hast but thy good spirits
To feed and clothe thee? Why should the poor be
flattered?
No, let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp
And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee
Where thrift may follow fawning. Dost thou hear?
Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice
And could of men distinguish, her election
Hath sealed thee for herself. For thou hast been
As one in suffering all that suffers nothing,
A man that Fortune's buffets and rewards
Hast ta'en with equal thanks; and blessed are those
Whose blood and judgment are so well
commeddled
That they are not a pipe for Fortune's finger
To sound what stop she please. Give me that man
That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him
In my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart,
As I do thee.--Something too much of this.--
There is a play tonight before the King.
One scene of it comes near the circumstance
Which I have told thee of my father's death.
I prithee, when thou seest that act afoot,
Even with the very comment of thy soul
Observe my uncle. If his occulted guilt
Do not itself unkennel in one speech,
It is a damned ghost that we have seen,
And my imaginations are as foul
As Vulcan's stithy. Give him heedful note,
For I mine eyes will rivet to his face,
And, after, we will both our judgments join
In censure of his seeming.

HORATIO
Well, my lord.
If he steal aught the whilst this play is playing
And 'scape detecting, I will pay the theft.

HAMLET
They are coming to the play. I must be idle.
Get you a place.

KING
How fares our cousin Hamlet?

HAMLET
Excellent, i' faith, of the chameleon's dish. I
eat the air, promise-crammed. You cannot feed
capons so.

KING
I have nothing with this answer, Hamlet. These
words are not mine.

HAMLET
No, nor mine now. My lord, you
played once i' th' university, you say?

POLONIUS
That did I, my lord, and was accounted a
good actor.

HAMLET
What did you enact?

POLONIUS
I did enact Julius Caesar. I was killed i' th'
Capitol. Brutus killed me.

HAMLET
It was a brute part of him to kill so capital a
calf there.--Be the players ready?

ROSENCRANTZ
Ay, my lord. They stay upon your
patience.

QUEEN
Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me.

HAMLET
No, good mother. Here's metal more
attractive.

POLONIUS
Oh, ho! Do you mark that?

HAMLET
Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

OPHELIA
No, my lord.

HAMLET
I mean, my head upon your lap?

OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.

HAMLET
Do you think I meant country matters?

OPHELIA
I think nothing, my lord.

HAMLET
That's a fair thought to lie between maids'
legs.

OPHELIA
What is, my lord?

HAMLET
Nothing.

OPHELIA
You are merry, my lord.

HAMLET
Who, I?

OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.

HAMLET
O God, your only jig-maker. What should a
man do but be merry? For look you how cheerfully
my mother looks, and my father died within 's two
hours.

OPHELIA
Nay, 'tis twice two months, my lord.

HAMLET
So long? Nay, then, let the devil wear black,
for I'll have a suit of sables. O heavens, die two
months ago, and not forgotten yet? Then there's
hope a great man's memory may outlive his life half
a year. But, by 'r Lady, he must build churches, then,
or else shall he suffer not thinking on, with the
hobby-horse, whose epitaph is "For oh, for oh, the
hobby-horse is forgot."

OPHELIA
What means this, my lord?

HAMLET
Marry, this is miching mallecho. It means
mischief.

OPHELIA
Belike this show imports the argument of the
play.

HAMLET
We shall know by this fellow. The players
cannot keep counsel; they'll tell all.

OPHELIA
Will he tell us what this show meant?

HAMLET
Ay, or any show that you will show him. Be
not you ashamed to show, he'll not shame to tell you
what it means.

OPHELIA
You are naught, you are naught. I'll mark the
play.

PROLOGUE
For us and for our tragedy,
Here stooping to your clemency,
We beg your hearing patiently.

HAMLET
Is this a prologue or the posy of a ring?

OPHELIA
'Tis brief, my lord.

HAMLET
As woman's love.

PLAYER KING
Full thirty times hath Phoebus' cart gone round
Neptune's salt wash and Tellus' orbed ground,
And thirty dozen moons with borrowed sheen
About the world have times twelve thirties been
Since love our hearts and Hymen did our hands
Unite commutual in most sacred bands.

PLAYER QUEEN
So many journeys may the sun and moon
Make us again count o'er ere love be done!
But woe is me! You are so sick of late,
So far from cheer and from your former state,
That I distrust you. Yet, though I distrust,
Discomfort you, my lord, it nothing must.
For women fear too much, even as they love,
And women's fear and love hold quantity,
In neither aught, or in extremity.
Now what my love is, proof hath made you know,
And, as my love is sized, my fear is so:
Where love is great, the littlest doubts are fear;
Where little fears grow great, great love grows there.

PLAYER KING
Faith, I must leave thee, love, and shortly too.
My operant powers their functions leave to do.
And thou shalt live in this fair world behind,
Honored, beloved; and haply one as kind
For husband shalt thou--

PLAYER QUEEN
O, confound the rest!
Such love must needs be treason in my breast.
In second husband let me be accurst.
None wed the second but who killed the first.

HAMLET
That's wormwood!

PLAYER QUEEN
The instances that second marriage move
Are base respects of thrift, but none of love.
A second time I kill my husband dead
When second husband kisses me in bed.

PLAYER KING
I do believe you think what now you speak,
But what we do determine oft we break.
Purpose is but the slave to memory,
Of violent birth, but poor validity,
Which now, the fruit unripe, sticks on the tree
But fall unshaken when they mellow be.
Most necessary 'tis that we forget
To pay ourselves what to ourselves is debt.
What to ourselves in passion we propose,
The passion ending, doth the purpose lose.
The violence of either grief or joy
Their own enactures with themselves destroy.
Where joy most revels, grief doth most lament;
Grief joys, joy grieves, on slender accident.
This world is not for aye, nor 'tis not strange
That even our loves should with our fortunes change;
For 'tis a question left us yet to prove
Whether love lead fortune or else fortune love.
The great man down, you mark his favorite flies;
The poor, advanced, makes friends of enemies.
And hitherto doth love on fortune tend,
For who not needs shall never lack a friend,
And who in want a hollow friend doth try
Directly seasons him his enemy.
But, orderly to end where I begun:
Our wills and fates do so contrary run
That our devices still are overthrown;
Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own.
So think thou wilt no second husband wed,
But die thy thoughts when thy first lord is dead.

PLAYER QUEEN
Nor Earth to me give food, nor heaven light,
Sport and repose lock from me day and night,
To desperation turn my trust and hope,
An anchor's cheer in prison be my scope.
Each opposite that blanks the face of joy
Meet what I would have well and it destroy.
Both here and hence pursue me lasting strife,
If, once a widow, ever I be wife.

HAMLET
If she should break it now!

PLAYER KING
'Tis deeply sworn. Sweet, leave me here awhile.
My spirits grow dull, and fain I would beguile
The tedious day with sleep.

PLAYER QUEEN
Sleep rock thy brain,
And never come mischance between us twain.

HAMLET
Madam, how like you this play?

QUEEN
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

HAMLET
O, but she'll keep her word.

KING
Have you heard the argument? Is there no
offense in 't?

HAMLET
No, no, they do but jest, poison in jest. No
offense i' th' world.

KING
What do you call the play?

HAMLET
"The Mousetrap." Marry, how? Tropically.
This play is the image of a murder done in Vienna.
Gonzago is the duke's name, his wife Baptista. You
shall see anon. 'Tis a knavish piece of work, but
what of that? Your Majesty and we that have free
souls, it touches us not. Let the galled jade wince;
our withers are unwrung.

HAMLET
This is one Lucianus, nephew to the king.

OPHELIA
You are as good as a chorus, my lord.

HAMLET
I could interpret between you and your love,
if I could see the puppets dallying.

OPHELIA
You are keen, my lord, you are keen.

HAMLET
It would cost you a groaning to take off mine
edge.

OPHELIA
Still better and worse.

HAMLET
So you mis-take your husbands.--Begin,
murderer. Pox, leave thy damnable faces and
begin. Come, the croaking raven doth bellow for
revenge.

LUCIANUS
Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time
agreeing,
Confederate season, else no creature seeing,
Thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected,
With Hecate's ban thrice blasted, thrice infected,
Thy natural magic and dire property
On wholesome life usurp immediately.

HAMLET
He poisons him i' th' garden for his estate. His
name's Gonzago. The story is extant and written in
very choice Italian. You shall see anon how the
murderer gets the love of Gonzago's wife.

OPHELIA
The King rises.

HAMLET
What, frighted with false fire?

QUEEN
How fares my lord?

POLONIUS
Give o'er the play.

KING
Give me some light. Away!

POLONIUS
Lights, lights, lights!

HAMLET
Why, let the strucken deer go weep,
The hart ungalled play.
For some must watch, while some must sleep:
Thus runs the world away.
Would not this, sir, and a forest of feathers (if the
rest of my fortunes turn Turk with me) with two
Provincial roses on my razed shoes, get me a
fellowship in a cry of players?

HORATIO
Half a share.

HAMLET
A whole one, I.
For thou dost know, O Damon dear,
This realm dismantled was
Of Jove himself, and now reigns here
A very very--pajock.

HORATIO
You might have rhymed.

HAMLET
O good Horatio, I'll take the ghost's word for
a thousand pound. Didst perceive?

HORATIO
Very well, my lord.

HAMLET
Upon the talk of the poisoning?

HORATIO
I did very well note him.

HAMLET
Ah ha! Come, some music! Come, the
recorders!
For if the King like not the comedy,
Why, then, belike he likes it not, perdy.
Come, some music!

GUILDENSTERN
Good my lord, vouchsafe me a word
with you.

HAMLET
Sir, a whole history.

GUILDENSTERN
The King, sir--

HAMLET
Ay, sir, what of him?

GUILDENSTERN
Is in his retirement marvelous
distempered.

HAMLET
With drink, sir?

GUILDENSTERN
No, my lord, with choler.

HAMLET
Your wisdom should show itself more richer
to signify this to the doctor, for for me to put him to
his purgation would perhaps plunge him into more
choler.

GUILDENSTERN
Good my lord, put your discourse into
some frame and start not so wildly from my
affair.

HAMLET
I am tame, sir. Pronounce.

GUILDENSTERN
The Queen your mother, in most great
affliction of spirit, hath sent me to you.

HAMLET
You are welcome.

GUILDENSTERN
Nay, good my lord, this courtesy is not
of the right breed. If it shall please you to make me
a wholesome answer, I will do your mother's
commandment. If not, your pardon and my return
shall be the end of my business.

HAMLET
Sir, I cannot.

ROSENCRANTZ
What, my lord?

HAMLET
Make you a wholesome answer. My wit's
diseased. But, sir, such answer as I can make, you
shall command--or, rather, as you say, my mother.
Therefore no more but to the matter. My mother,
you say--

ROSENCRANTZ
Then thus she says: your behavior hath
struck her into amazement and admiration.

HAMLET
O wonderful son that can so 'stonish a mother!
But is there no sequel at the heels of this
mother's admiration? Impart.

ROSENCRANTZ
She desires to speak with you in her
closet ere you go to bed.

HAMLET
We shall obey, were she ten times our mother.
Have you any further trade with us?

ROSENCRANTZ
My lord, you once did love me.

HAMLET
And do still, by these pickers and stealers.

ROSENCRANTZ
Good my lord, what is your cause of
distemper? You do surely bar the door upon your
own liberty if you deny your griefs to your friend.

HAMLET
Sir, I lack advancement.

ROSENCRANTZ
How can that be, when you have the
voice of the King himself for your succession in
Denmark?

HAMLET
Ay, sir, but "While the grass grows"--the
proverb is something musty.

HAMLET
O, the recorders! Let me see one. To withdraw
with you: why do you go about to recover the wind
of me, as if you would drive me into a toil?

GUILDENSTERN
O, my lord, if my duty be too bold, my
love is too unmannerly.

HAMLET
I do not well understand that. Will you play
upon this pipe?

GUILDENSTERN
My lord, I cannot.

HAMLET
I pray you.

GUILDENSTERN
Believe me, I cannot.

HAMLET
I do beseech you.

GUILDENSTERN
I know no touch of it, my lord.

HAMLET
It is as easy as lying. Govern these ventages
with your fingers and thumb, give it breath with
your mouth, and it will discourse most eloquent
music. Look you, these are the stops.

GUILDENSTERN
But these cannot I command to any
utt'rance of harmony. I have not the skill.

HAMLET
Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing
you make of me! You would play upon me, you
would seem to know my stops, you would pluck
out the heart of my mystery, you would sound me
from my lowest note to the top of my compass;
and there is much music, excellent voice, in this
little organ, yet cannot you make it speak. 'Sblood,
do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe?
Call me what instrument you will, though you can
fret me, you cannot play upon me.

POLONIUS
My lord, the Queen would speak with you,
and presently.

HAMLET
Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in
shape of a camel?

POLONIUS
By th' Mass, and 'tis like a camel indeed.

HAMLET
Methinks it is like a weasel.

POLONIUS
It is backed like a weasel.

HAMLET
Or like a whale.

POLONIUS
Very like a whale.

HAMLET
Then I will come to my mother by and by.
They fool me to the top of my bent.--I will
come by and by.

POLONIUS
I will say so.

HAMLET
"By and by" is easily said. Leave me,
friends.
'Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes
out
Contagion to this world. Now could I drink hot
blood
And do such bitter business as the day
Would quake to look on. Soft, now to my mother.
O heart, lose not thy nature; let not ever
The soul of Nero enter this firm bosom.
Let me be cruel, not unnatural.
I will speak daggers to her, but use none.
My tongue and soul in this be hypocrites:
How in my words somever she be shent,
To give them seals never, my soul, consent.

He exits.

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